Dear Brave One

Hello, Brave One.
How are you up there?
How does the sky look from there?
How does it feel to be closer to the moon and the stars?

I know it's not 6th of October yet, but I just want to write this letter to you.
Because lately, I've been thinking about you.
I miss you so much it still hurts.

Dear Brave One,
things are different now, you know.
And you must have known that I wish you're still here,
to be by my side,
to hear my story,
and walk through our journey.

Saya paham jika kamu tidak lagi mau singgah di mimpi saya,
karena kamu pasti tau, terakhir kamu singgah, saya menangis sendu ketika saya membuka mata dan tidak menemukanmu.
Saya rindu kamu, sangat rindu.

I once promised myself not to cry over you anymore,
I thought I have succeeded,
but not today.
I have completely failed.

If I could turn back the time and have a chance to not do something I have done, it's the one I did on your last day.
I wish I was there.
I wish I could do more.
I wish I was wiser.
And I'm, very sorry about that.
I'm a disappointment,
a failure,
and I'm sorry about that..

I'm sad.
I'm sad everytime I think about you.
I'm sad everytime I think about the memories we had.
I'm sad everytime I try so hard to convince myself that I'll get through it.
Because simply, I don't want to.

I don't want to feel any pain.
But I am fully aware that it's impossible.
It's important to feel things, I know.
But sometimes it's necessary to not feeling anything.

You mattered to me. So much.
You came into my life just like that, an easy step.
When I was broken, and empty.
A broken emptiness, I called it..

I thought I could do better.
But the fact that I couldn't, made me upset.
I was sad.
And lonely.
I actually still am.